Just Days Before My Birthday

So i am turning 34 on sat the 25th and i am kinda sad !

Girl's night has been canceled due to family in town and Tiff's grandma Passing away (poor tiff ,Prayers to you ) and there will be no celebrating at my school everyone is gone for the 24th of July

That makes me sad I need my GNO Or i go crazy !!!!!

I have always been the one to make sure that everyone's B-day is not forgot or not celebrated and here is mine and it's Gonna be the one dusted under the rug...In a sense ...

BUT i say,

No way

I am celebrating it and have made the descion to take myself to the Blue October Concert at the Salt air ! i am beyond excited to go. i took off time from school for this and i am missing a important class day But I just don't care I am already Behind on 2 Tests i can't make up But that is just because i refuse to Leave my kiddos home for 4 hrs by themself (My family is 1st)



School is frustrating me, I feel like i am not getting the teachings that i need to and with all the seniors leaving Guess who will have the added stress of appts thrown at them (Us !!!the night esthetics class)

We have not even learned our chemical peel ? what is that ? it is not the instructors faults at all they all ROCK it is just way hard because they are short instructors and managing the day spa at night and teaching is hard

We have one class night and then the rest we take appts

Sometimes i feel like i am paying a extreme amount of money to be a slave to the owner ..

I am not the only one that feels this way

I have a hard time just making it to school ,the fun and exitement is not there as much

So what do you do ? if you are me You just drag yourself along and know that in the end it will be the best thing for your family



Lonnie is Now part of the Employed world YEAH !!! he is working in Provo now

It has been so so nice with him working The stress factor has gone down alot and i feel like i can breathe a lil easier .. a LIL BIT !!!

WHY?

So alot has happened this last yr and I am Frickin ANGRY !!!!!
i can't say i am happy at all because that would be me lying to myself
Lonnie still does not have a job and it has been 9 months
Lonnie had to foreclose on the only Home i had !
We ended up moving from a 4 bedroom house to a 3 bedroom town house

The Boys are all in 1 room and Jayedyn has her own, But the Noise and constant loudness is killing me .

The place is nice and i am trying my best to make it a home here are a few pictures
Front door and front room



Stairs up and Hall
Bathroom up and Jayedyn's room Jayedyn's Room
The Boys room

Mine and Lonnie's




The Hall & Kitchen

Downstairs to the Family room
The Family Room (Downstairs)Still Needing to be unpacked in these pictures


The Backyard






But Honestly despite everything else i am sick to death ..

We have been in this house for 3 weeks now and can you Believe that Someone broke into my van and ripped out my Stereo All because Lonnie did not lock the door , I know that there is a special place in hell for those jerks and i hope they get everything that is coming to them ....



I am still pulling strong in school and have learned so much BUT honestly i can't compete Health wise i am exhausted at the end of the day So much that i could sleep and never wake up which honestly if this is how the rest of my life is I would rather do that .

I turned down Las Vegas with my classmates To Move and Don't even get me started on My Missed trip to Fork's

I am ANGRY about that and despite being an adult i should have just gone... Because now i look at the girl's pictures and i just get angrier, Really what would have changed? absolutely nothing if i went ....Nothing!!!! PLUS i feel like i am loosing That bond with my friends. Not just the Nrg But all of them

I am that one friend who Is always depressed and never can do anything Because i have no money(honestly who wants to hang out with that looser?)



I am sitting here on the day that is supposed to be my temple anniversary Wishing The worst !

I have started to attend church again in our new ward which seems like a nice place but My faith is SHATTERED and my testimony is barely there . If it wasn't for the missionaries (which by the way happen to be the same one who baptized Logan ) i am not sure where i would be .



I just want my life to get back to where it needs to be Because obviously i do not handle these situations well at all

I am hoping that i will be able to handle this and be strong But i just don't see how much more i can take .

I need a Break!