Just Days Before My Birthday

So i am turning 34 on sat the 25th and i am kinda sad !

Girl's night has been canceled due to family in town and Tiff's grandma Passing away (poor tiff ,Prayers to you ) and there will be no celebrating at my school everyone is gone for the 24th of July

That makes me sad I need my GNO Or i go crazy !!!!!

I have always been the one to make sure that everyone's B-day is not forgot or not celebrated and here is mine and it's Gonna be the one dusted under the rug...In a sense ...

BUT i say,

No way

I am celebrating it and have made the descion to take myself to the Blue October Concert at the Salt air ! i am beyond excited to go. i took off time from school for this and i am missing a important class day But I just don't care I am already Behind on 2 Tests i can't make up But that is just because i refuse to Leave my kiddos home for 4 hrs by themself (My family is 1st)



School is frustrating me, I feel like i am not getting the teachings that i need to and with all the seniors leaving Guess who will have the added stress of appts thrown at them (Us !!!the night esthetics class)

We have not even learned our chemical peel ? what is that ? it is not the instructors faults at all they all ROCK it is just way hard because they are short instructors and managing the day spa at night and teaching is hard

We have one class night and then the rest we take appts

Sometimes i feel like i am paying a extreme amount of money to be a slave to the owner ..

I am not the only one that feels this way

I have a hard time just making it to school ,the fun and exitement is not there as much

So what do you do ? if you are me You just drag yourself along and know that in the end it will be the best thing for your family



Lonnie is Now part of the Employed world YEAH !!! he is working in Provo now

It has been so so nice with him working The stress factor has gone down alot and i feel like i can breathe a lil easier .. a LIL BIT !!!

WHY?

So alot has happened this last yr and I am Frickin ANGRY !!!!!
i can't say i am happy at all because that would be me lying to myself
Lonnie still does not have a job and it has been 9 months
Lonnie had to foreclose on the only Home i had !
We ended up moving from a 4 bedroom house to a 3 bedroom town house

The Boys are all in 1 room and Jayedyn has her own, But the Noise and constant loudness is killing me .

The place is nice and i am trying my best to make it a home here are a few pictures
Front door and front room



Stairs up and Hall
Bathroom up and Jayedyn's room Jayedyn's Room
The Boys room

Mine and Lonnie's




The Hall & Kitchen

Downstairs to the Family room
The Family Room (Downstairs)Still Needing to be unpacked in these pictures


The Backyard






But Honestly despite everything else i am sick to death ..

We have been in this house for 3 weeks now and can you Believe that Someone broke into my van and ripped out my Stereo All because Lonnie did not lock the door , I know that there is a special place in hell for those jerks and i hope they get everything that is coming to them ....



I am still pulling strong in school and have learned so much BUT honestly i can't compete Health wise i am exhausted at the end of the day So much that i could sleep and never wake up which honestly if this is how the rest of my life is I would rather do that .

I turned down Las Vegas with my classmates To Move and Don't even get me started on My Missed trip to Fork's

I am ANGRY about that and despite being an adult i should have just gone... Because now i look at the girl's pictures and i just get angrier, Really what would have changed? absolutely nothing if i went ....Nothing!!!! PLUS i feel like i am loosing That bond with my friends. Not just the Nrg But all of them

I am that one friend who Is always depressed and never can do anything Because i have no money(honestly who wants to hang out with that looser?)



I am sitting here on the day that is supposed to be my temple anniversary Wishing The worst !

I have started to attend church again in our new ward which seems like a nice place but My faith is SHATTERED and my testimony is barely there . If it wasn't for the missionaries (which by the way happen to be the same one who baptized Logan ) i am not sure where i would be .



I just want my life to get back to where it needs to be Because obviously i do not handle these situations well at all

I am hoping that i will be able to handle this and be strong But i just don't see how much more i can take .

I need a Break!

My 1st Day of school

Well I did survive !


I woke up in the morning with a knot in my stomach and was trying to tell myself that i could do it!!


We had a ton of things to accomplish that morning and the 1st one was at DWS


We had a appt. at 10 am and so we left the older kids at home (Since they are off Track ) and just took Camden and Mayson with us. What was suposed to be a hour long appt was like 3 Hrs long But i am not complaining the lady who helped us was the sweetest thing, she had just switched over her Blood pressure medicine and had a surgery recently so she was a lil out of it But was the Best with my cranky Hungry children She had a brand new bag of grapes and she opened them and let Mayson and Camden eat them, she gave them both Notebooks and pens so they could draw to there hearts content(which of course lasted about 15 mins )
After that was said and done we ended up going to Wal-mart and getting all the stuff i needed for school and then went to get my scrubs and They did not have them ......
ARGHHHH !!!!!!The lady said to come back tommorow because they are getting a new shipment in ... so that is what i am gonna do ..


I came home and got dressed in business attire for the 1st night and was out the door


LIL mayson was crying "DON"T go to school" i promised him i would be back later and he was okay. Or that Is what i told myself (LOL) so i could make it through my 1st day



I arrive at school 20 mins early like i am supposed to and seat myself down in the Amphitheater

Nervous as all heck But everyone in the room looked so nice Prob alot of nerves floating around for them also

We got all our stuff and the adventures start from their
It was a different feeling being back in school but it was nice to be away from all the stress at home and the kids .

Now for a new kind of stress !

So Logan's baptism day arrives and can i just say that i was not at all Happy How the day went !

Lonnie did not end up going so that right there pissed me off But he did not go because Mayson Threw up all over his clothes as we were walking out the door I was crying the whole day and just beyond frustrated .

logan was very excited and it went threw without a hitch except he swallowed half the water and it took 10 mins to get him breathing again.

Thanks to all the people who came who i know truely wanted to be there and support Logan